Monday, April 03, 2006

Crossroads

Some call it the beginning of adulthood, some call it the quarter life crisis. A girl’s journey to become a woman is, more than anything, highly puzzling. What follows are the thoughts I put on paper for the forthcoming issue of my alumni magazine- Sandpaper.

As I looked at the mail that had just landed in my inbox a few million random thoughts crossed my mind. Attached were wedding pictures of my close friend from college and standing with the happy couple was another friend with her husband, visibly expecting their first child. As I regretted not being there, my eyes instinctively landed on the wall behind me. My old poster of a cozying couple with much torn edges and very visible creases stared back. I don’t even know why I chose to hold on to the one relic my college hostel room was identified with. It had no place in my life and certainly none in a B-school. I told everyone it makes me feel at home. Frankly, I think it just makes me feel younger.

Is the honeymoon over, I wondered. Twenty four is a funny age to be. It’s when your opinion has suddenly begun to matter and strangely, you don’t seem to like it. It is the age when they stop forgiving you for acting like a kid and start expecting you to know how to handle one.

Friends of mine think they might still be a little too young to marry. But of course, you really cannot be taking competitive exams now- for when you graduate there might not be many eligible bachelors left. A corporate woman then? Maybe not, because for all the gorgeous women of this generation, three years is a long time to be working on the same job. For the thousands of women who joined the workforce three odd summers back, the crossroads of life are now taking form.

Is there such a thing as too many choices? I thought about my close circle of friends. As independent young women with the freedom to step forward in time or back into domesticity, we are a lot pampered for choice. Gone are the days when working women were the toast of the day. Today it’s suddenly cool to stay at home, look after the kids and make aromatic candles. We can study at the best colleges, get the highest degrees, give up everything for the man we love and move to unknown lands. Who is to stop us? Hot shot careers could well be giving way to chocolate chip cookie baking lessons.

As we needle our way out of our protective environments, the comfort of being the new employee, the junior student, the blushing bride, there’s an overwhelming amount of challenges and decisions thrown at us. We grapple with them, mostly alone, too independent and proud to ask for help. The truth is, we may not be as tough as we claim to be. We wax eloquent in public on how strong we are. And yet we crumble at the thought of calling a close friend to condole the death of his beloved.

Today no one raises as much as an eyebrow when I tell them of my plans to start a restaurant and author a book. Another close friend just made a successful shift from a software techie to a well paid finance executive- with a one year MBA. Except for some student loans, there’s nothing to stop her now. Just as I write this more and more women are changing lanes faster than we can imagine, all to pursue something unusual and more fulfilling. We are breaking stereotypes to form niches of our own. We want to be fashionable and comfortable, silly and suave - all at the same time.

It is true. We now like to pay our own bills. But we aren’t going to deny men the pleasure of opening our
doors and pulling out chairs for us. After all, there can be nothing wrong in a little pampering and that’s exactly how we like our lives too. Among all the generations of women on this earth we are probably the easiest to live with. And the most difficult to understand.

I thought of the bright and sunny days spent at college. When the next quiz and submission used to be the big obstacles to our carefree life. When girls would huddle around the night canteen at midnight to discuss the next hot topic of discussion. When most of our plans for life ended with the campus job or a flight to the states. When the next best thing to look forward to would be the next movie, not the next wedding. And how much things have changed since then.

As we stand in the way, with the million others zooming past us, there is only one big question. What is life all about? Each of the paths we take may lead us to some kind of successes, but what is it that we are putting at stake? Our careers? Our families? Our capabilities? Or plain personal satisfaction?

I closed my laptop and reached out for a glass of milk. If this were ‘Sex and the City’, now would be when the camera pans out and the credits roll. Like many others, I wonder what the next episode holds in store.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

For Men we are perhaps the easiest to live with, but to ourselves!!?? I mean there are so many people expecting us to be so many things , follow so many stereotypes that after a while what remains is not us, but what people expect of us and what we wish people to see in us. As we move forward we are putting ourselves at stake. I was married at 21 and I am making my life one moment at a time. I don't now what marriage, life is all about, but I hold to my heart a verse from a favourite poem of mine...Not enjoyment, nor sorrow is our destined end or way, but to act that each tomorrow finds us farther than today.

Unknown said...

Is there always something at stake? I would put it as minor compromises.

Unknown said...

Is there always something at stake? I would put it as minor compromises.

Anonymous said...

hey! this is ramu (99A7).. chanced upon ur blog from a link from one of my bitsian buddies..

after reading that a) it did make me feel older :) b) it also reminded me of the pressures of society.

All said and done i wud say, it is a needless worry and as an answer to "What is life all about", life is all about how u perceive it.

~Ramu

Anonymous said...

There are probably lot many men whom are perhaps the easiest to live and enjoy with. What you look for is what you get.

Practically life is always abt thinking the road not taken. Every one takes a decision at every other point of time and wonder what would have been the other road(s) that was not taken. Enjoying the present and making the most of it would be the best thing to do in life.

Good to see you back again. Hope to find more of you here.

-Prasan.

Chez said...

It is true that women love pampering, even though deny it! But then, doesn't everyone love to be pampered, irrespective of gender? But there is irregularities in the 'lane-changing' you were talking about. Women, in india, urban or otherwise, tend to be in either extremities, either in the fastest track or in the slowest.. It is interesting.

Meera said...

Women today are difficult to understand yes... we are the sons of the transition age and we are breaking free!!!
Most people dont do what they like but they do what they like to like..
We are at crossroads with a million choices.. who is to stop us? nobody but us!!

Ruth said...

I love that you take the time to be introspective. I think we are similar in this way. You however, have the ability to put your thoughts to paper much more eloquently then I. There are two quotes that come to mind when I read this blog entry. Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled said, “We are often most in the dark when we are the most certain and the most enlightened when we are the most confused.” The second is one I clung to when I was transitioning from college to grown up life in SF. I am not sure who it is authored by. “Heading into the future is a little like a caterpillar entering a cocoon. The caterpillar doesn’t know that he’ll come out a butterfly. All he knows is that he’s alone, it’s dark and it’s a little scary.”

I have no doubt that you can and will accomplish what ever you put your mind to. What kind of restaurant? What kind of book? I am curious.

As for what life has in store, set some goals and work your way to them, but remember to also live for today, that has always been a tough juggling act for me. How do you stay motivated, focused and still relaxed enough to enjoy your friends, your family and yourself?

We should catch up soon. I’ve been thinking of you, wondering how you are doing.
All my love dear sister, Ruth

ME-MOI-MYSELF said...

Thot provoking. Each and every line. But like Ruth pointed out "... remember to live for today ..." At the end of the day, its the small things in life that matter - like living each and every moment the way you want to.
-Rozy

Work in progress said...

Wow, really nicely written, you do have the gift of the pen. Quarter life crisis is a really apt term. I guess as life has become more career oriented and fast over the ages, we have gone from no-crisis, to mid-life crisis to quarter-life crisis :). Suddenly, there is this pressure at this stage of life and we have to decide where our energy must go for the rest of our life, what career, what kind of life partner (if any) etcetera. I am grappling with the same issues, but the interesting thing is that there is no universally correct solution. Its a personal choice. So you just listen closely to your heart and find what it actually wants. IMHO, personal satisfaction is the first thing to look for. That is what we look for in _everything_, whether directly or indirectly. Its our very basic nature. Whether that satisfaction comes from excelling in your career or from raising your kids at home and feeling like a proud mother is upto you. It just depends on the kind of person you are. If you ask me, I would place much more stress on emotional satisfaction rather than material satisfaction, but thats another story :).

Work in progress said...

Wow, really nicely written, you do have the gift of the pen. Quarter life crisis is a really apt term. I guess as life has become more career oriented and fast over the ages, we have gone from no-crisis, to mid-life crisis to quarter-life crisis :). Suddenly, there is this pressure at this stage of life and we have to decide where our energy must go for the rest of our life, what career, what kind of life partner (if any) etcetera. I am grappling with the same issues, but the interesting thing is that there is no universally correct solution. Its a personal choice. So you just listen closely to your heart and find what it actually wants. IMHO, personal satisfaction is the first thing to look for. That is what we look for in _everything_, whether directly or indirectly. Its our very basic nature. Whether that satisfaction comes from excelling in your career or from raising your kids at home and feeling like a proud mother is upto you. It just depends on the kind of person you are. If you ask me, I would place much more stress on emotional satisfaction rather than material satisfaction, but thats another story :).

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Acroyali said...

nice post, nicer blog :)

will surely come this way again.

Praveen said...

Well, well, well..a quarter life crisis huh? I guess B-school isn't keeping you busy enough :)

Very nice post. I wish I could give you some pithy advice but I'll let you know when I get through my own M-crisis.

Kumari said...

Well written article.
There are many things men don't understand about us but I think the worst is when they feel that as independent women, we don't need pampering. Gaah!Trust me, that is the one thing that bugs me to no end :)

I guess our Generation has just too many choices for our own comfort. When I was working, all I longed was to author a book or start my own bookstore. Now married and alone in a new country, I try to fit into the role of a housewife-wannabe-author and I fail miserably, longing for the bustle of a work life. And i wonder if it was the stress of that industry which pushed me to reach better highs and if it is the present absence of that tension that forces me to lie still on a couch and daydream.

I'll never know :D

All the best with the restaurant and the book and B-school :)

zonko said...

for starters, no body finds it easy to console a friend for a bereavement she has suffered. Words lack the emotion that needs to be conveyed, and only by touch (by a hug?) can we convey our kindness. (I mean the old use of kind, as in kindred).

what's with marriage? eligible people abound. I passed out of b-school two years ago, and a lot of my male batchmates are told 'you'll not find a girl if you don't marry soon..'. It's all propaganda by parents to get their wish types :)

If you really want to marry, wait for someone you really like. All marriages are a struggle, but why make it tough on yourself??

Book - I try to type out stuff myself, though only short stories. And it's not easy to be consistent at writing while you are working.

Restaurant - hope you really have an aptitude for food. Restaurants are the most-oft-failed businesses, but I guess you know that already.

Cheers.. and best of luck.

~A_passing_stranger

Rachit said...

Well written, but isn't it as if you are being a wee bit cynical? After all, a simple but profound answer to "What is life meant to be" is "Life is and was always meant to be CHANGE".

Rachit said...

Well written, but isn't it as if you are being a wee bit cynical? After all, a simple but profound answer to "What is life meant to be" is "Life is and was always meant to be CHANGE".

Kim said...

Very well captured, I must say.

Can I post a copy of this as a post on My XL Blog with credit to you and a link to your blog ?

Start blogging again. With summers over & classes yet to beging, u have no excuse :)

Kim said...

oh & a belated Happy budday too. 20 days late : ( sorry

Aravinthan said...

Very well written and nice post.. Just liked the smooth way ..

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written! Keep up the good work!