Wednesday, May 18, 2005

That thing called Culture

There's an auto stand at the end of my road and it's the end everyone loves to avoid. People are constantly urinating there, mostly the auto drivers. This week the Association came up with a solution. Two big pictures of Lord Ganesha were stuck up there. Just as expected, now that end is a mini temple. The Great Indian Culture!

The topic of Indian culture came up very often when I was rallying for my brother's inter-race wedding. Everyone in the family was so worried about how the 'culture' would be burnt away. So I paused to think - how much of the culture are we following anyway?

I'm not particularly proud of the culture that frowns at the birth of a girl child. Or even worse, kills it by smothering it. Our's is the culture which doesnt educate the girl child and marries her off before she reaches the waist of her mother. When she has to get married, along with her goes tons of gold, almirahs, cars, documents of ownership for land and a house. Maybe the earlier events happen only in rural areas and in uneducated families but dont you even dare and deny me the existence of dowry even in the richest families. Worry not, if you are male, from either a Malayalee Christian/ Telugu family and reading this from Bush's kingdom, you are easily worth atleast fifty lakhs. That's Five Million, darlings.

We are also the great culture which has divided us into a few zillion castes and subcastes. We practised untouchabitlity and sometimes still do. Our ancestors did not even allow the lower caste women to cover their chests. Even today, I hear noon meal scheme has been stopped in Bihar because it is being cooked by Dalits. Dont even get me started about the Babri masjid or the Godhra or the Coimbatore Bomb Blasts (something I saw from up close). Maybe that's something that happens only with the fanatics. But would your parents gladly let you marry a Muslim if you a Hindu or vice-versa?

In our culture men and women marry the people their parents choose or in some cases force down their throats.
Your parents wouldve told you that arranged marriages work and that's why India has a lower rate of divorces. Totally Mistaken.
In our country many men and women grit their teeth and tolerate the torture called marriage. All for the sake of their parents, their children and of course, their society. And also because they arent independant- which is again because they werent educated. Divorce is totally taboo, even if you'd be better off without your alcoholic, wife- abusing excuse for a husband. So take a second and count all your aunts, uncles, cousins, mausis, attimbers, periappas and chittis who are stuck in bad marriages and there - we have the real divorce rate of India.

We are the country who came up with Kama Sutra and the most sexy garment ever- the Saree. But while men can urinate in public, you cant even kiss.
We are the people with the horoscopes, the thousand gods and godesses and the Vaasthu shastra. But while the rich get richer, the poor get children.

I do like a lot of things in our culture but i think we just practise as much as anybody else in any other country does with their own. I like the way we respect people, books, animals and even our dvd players. I like the way we keep our parents with us when they grow older. I like the way we wait till marriage before living together.

Of course there are exceptions to everything here. But I'm only making a small point. What is it that impressive in our culture that we easily put down other cultures?

18 comments:

Unknown said...

Five Million?? Hey Sandhya.. I bestow upon you the responsibility of finding me a suitable bride. With your hi-fi astrologer the other parts can be worked out.

V said...

But while men can urinate in public, you cant even kiss.

bwahahahahahahaa... nicely put.

jeevagv said...

எந்த ஒரு பழைய கலாசாரத்திலும் எவ்வளவு நல்லது இருக்கிறதோ அந்த அளவுக்கு தீதும் இருக்கத்தான் செய்யும். நல்லது எடுத்துக்கொண்டு தீயதை விடும் அறிவு இருக்க ஏனிந்த மயக்கம்?

~S~ said...

@Piggy- I'm sure your parents will negotiate a better deal ;) ( jus kidding!)
@Vishy- Thanks and do keep visiting!
@Paladin- Really? That's interesting. On the rare occasions that I get my hands on a Tamil mag, I only have enough patience to read the Photo captions :)
@Jeeva- Andha kalachaarathil nalladhai thedi thaan ponen, aanal thaede thaede nalladhai vide kettadhu dhaan vandhadhu. Ivalavu naal punidha kalaacharam, sezhumayaana kalaacharam endru perumai patten. Ippo sindhikke vaikiradhu. Naalaikku aniya naatu makkaludan nam kalaacharam endru edhai solvadhu?
And yeah thanks for dropping by!

~S~ said...

Hi Ghuruk- thanks for dropping by.
I didnt think there was anything about male chauvinism here. If women are uneducated it's also the fault of the mothers. I'm also sure that men are equally uncomfortable with arranged marriages- my deepest sympathies.
I also dont see anything wrong in a woman staying at home and taking care of a family, even I intend to do that someday!
And about poverty and population- I'm not sure how other cultures will handle it but India isnt doing a great job either.
My whole article had nothing to do with genders or working women or economic situations. I am an India fan too- big time. I totally enjoy my life here and wouldnt dream about settling down anywhere else.
But tommorrow when my future American relatives ask me what is so 'rich' about Indian 'culture' what do I tell them?

Arjun.C.N said...

Hey Sandhya!!!

so strange to find you again.Man .. dont even know whether you remember me. Karthika's friend. Dint know you were working in Cog. I work there too. Arjun.coimbatorenagarasan@cognizant.com is my id.. drop in a mail..
and visit.. www.arjuncn.blogspot.com..

~S~ said...

@Ghuru and intransit- I totally agree with you guys. And again.. do keep visiting and donating your two cents :).
@Arjun- Thanks a lot for visiting and I'm still racking my brain trying to remember you!
@Strider- Reforms.. hmm.. lets see.. I'm not giving dowry, I'm not gonna kill any children and the ones I have will be well educated, I choose who I marry... You can give me more ideas ;)

Prakash G.R. said...

That was a nice blog entry :-)
"But tommorrow when my future American relatives ask me what is so 'rich' about Indian 'culture' what do I tell them?"
Good question. Thinking of it, we do have a very good culture, which gives much important to the way we live. It respects family & relationships than any other culture I know. Our culture is deep rooted in a very long history and tradition that dates centuries back. Right from Avvayar to Jansi Rani, we had lot of females who were much respected by males. I agree that exceptions like killing a gal child and untouchability are also present. But these were never part of our culture. Somewhere in the history, it got into our lives. Now a days I dont hear that a new born was killed because its a gal. Untouchability might hardly last for 2/3 more generations. But we are so broad minded that a person of foreign origin can rule our country. In fact in the past several thousand years, India has never invaded any country. If your future relatives ask you about Indian culture, just ask the same question to them. What do they have? A nation which hardly has a history, a nation which has used nuclear bombs against another country, a nation that has encouraged chemical warfare, a nation which can occupy a country in the name of 'pre-emptive strike' & 'search for Weapons of Mass Destruction' - all just to reduce 5 cents per gallon of petrol, a nation which had slaves till few decades back ...

May be men sit on the road side and urinate, may be our grandparents got married before their teenage, may be somewhere an innocent kid was killed just because its gender, may be guys get dowri for marrying, or even the worst - I can't kiss my gal friend in public, I love our culture and tradition. I'm not going to justify all these. Not just these that makes our culture. You can never hear something like 'your kids and my kids are playing with our kids' - and thats exactly where our culture stands.

~S~ said...

@ Praku - Your comment did have me laffing- but I dont think I want to go and ask them about whether what they do is right or wrong. We should show where we stand by just telling them about our culture- not by comparing or contrasting it with theirs.
I dont have anything against any other cultures. I have written to, spoken with, worked for and played with people around the world and I think every culture has something special. And while we stop to admire/criticize we should follow another basic tenet of our country- live and let live!

Prem@Pondy said...

You had dressed my thoughts with words. use to have the same discussion with my parents too. if you haven't read this book, it is a must for u. kanadasan's 'Arthamula hindu madham'. Change is a constant things and guess culture shud also change with time.nice blogs.keep posting

Blue Tech Goddess said...

Hey Sandhya...I stumbled upon your blog and was fascinated to share many similar views about the plight of women in Indian culture. I am an American born Malayalee girl growing up in the U.S. and face the struggle of being too American at times and at other times not being Indian enough. My accolades to you for beautifully articulating what many of us battle on a daily basis. Signed-- The ABCM (American Born Confused Malayalee)

Meera said...

rich get richer while poor get children.. well said..

well it needs some to change some.. we could make a start somewhere .. a blog which reflects what nagesh kukunoor said in hyd.blues.. well written my lady!!!

Just Me said...

I reached here thru Orkut. I happen to know a friend of urs at UIC.

I've pondered over the inter-race marriage concept. I don't think you've been able to picture the thing completely.

We're a huge nation. And as far as Indian culture is concerned, it doesn't stop with just two ppl getting married. We're usually so close-knit, that the new-kid-in-the-family has to learn to mingle with so many more members.

That's where the culture shock comes in. And that's why me thinks it might be little difficult for the family and the person to adjust.

They can. And a lot of them do. But there's still some discomfort.

I'm from up North and love the South and am fascinated by your customs. But would I fit into them as naturally as you do ?

Anonymous said...

"Worry not, if you are male, from either a Malayalee Christian/ Telugu family and reading this from Bush's kingdom, you are easily worth atleast fifty lakhs. That's Five Million, darlings.
" ...lol

Anonymous said...

hi sandhya, reached here searching for fellow coimbatoreans!!

I havent gone through many of your posts, but this one was of my intrest. I believe its high time to revise our culture. The new generation have to better educated with our cultural values and think in a better way, just not simply following the old customs. The core value of our culture are often misunderstood or miscommunicated as it has been transferred through generations. I dont know the name of the game in which people sit in circle passing 'a particular sentnce' and final person has to say it loud. Our culture values are passed to next generation in such a fashion, i believe. Again this can also be compared to the Zen story of 'Buddhist guru and cat'.

Good post, anyway!!

Do drop in my blog, i have something left for people of ur kind.
http://indianiskra.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

i got the name of the game.....chinese whispers, how can i forget this! I believe the culture values are passed generation to generation as chinese whispers, which will be in a different form leaving the core values!!

itispals said...

It was interesting to come across all these comments and view points. There are always two sides of a coin. If good exists bad also exists, its just the way you look at things. What is good for me, may not be good for you, what is bad for me, may not be bad for you. Hope you had seen KamalHassan's "Nayagan", where a similar situation arises between the father and daughter. I just was trying to point out that our culture has its share of strength and weakness.
Kudos to you, for sharing your views in a clear manner.
I just wish to share these two universal points regarding your observations:1) Nothing is Permanent, Except Change
(and we are already seeing the change)
2)Whatever goes up must come down
(We were different, currently we are different & in future we would definitely be different)
You had a question of what you would answer to your sister in law regarding the Indian Culture...
I am sure you can talk about the diversity of our country and people, still holding itself strong, inspite of its huge differences....how does it reflect the culture, is it? India is definitely a better TOLERANT country , the anti-sikh or godhra incidents are just a few aberrations.
You can talk about our Raksha Bandan, Holi, Pongal, Mattu Pongal, Ayuda Pooja, where we give worship even the tools that help us....unfortunately the meaning/significance for these festivals is changing in this modern era...Keep blogging....have a great year ahead...

Kiran said...

Hey Sandhya,

Nice blog. But why do I sense frustration on your side. We need to remember that all this culture, ours or foreign, just like religion, started off as ways to keep man, and women, organized. What you see now are interpretations of those cultures in a manner that is specific to out times.

Our world is filled with life, vigor, colour and it’s open for all of us to see, ingest and thrive, lest we forget how to do it. So take some time out and feel the rain.

Cheers,
Kiran