This post and the one before is my attempt at trying a new style of writing fiction. Pieces of vivid descriptions to be stitched together by the reader's imagination. A thousand patterns can be formed depending on what you perceive, much like a kaleidoscope. Do let me know what you see.
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She waited on the wooden bench, quietly checking the people walking across. She strained her eyes to see the end of the platform. It was empty except for a naked boy of about 2 crawling to his sleeping mother. Maybe it was a joke, she thought and looked straight ahead. And then she saw him. A sigh of relief, a joyous smile.
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They sped down the road, under the shadows of the tall neem trees, her childish laughter resounding for miles. She giggled loudly as the first drops of rain hit her face, her brown eyes gleaming with excitement. A pothole unsteadied her. She caught on to his shirt, screaming in delight. They stopped at a closed shop, waiting for the rain to stop. He looked at her shivering in the cold and kissed her cheek, affectionately.
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She stared at the screen. Her nimble fingers flew across the old keyboard and she typed furiously, trying in vain to put all her thoughts into words. Then she found the backspace key.
She froze for a moment, thinking if she would regret this later. She fiddled with the keys, her hesitant fingers matching up with her wavering mind.
She hit 'send' and gathered her belongings. She slowly walked out of the room, making up tales in her head to convince herself that everything was alright. Nothing was wrong. No one was drifting away.
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The light was dim. The music was soft, almost non existent. There was nothing to stop her - it only took a question to bring it on. From a million miles away she opened up to him, and he to her. Nothing mattered anymore and neither remembered the backspace key. Excuses, misgivings, battered feelings. Assumptions, reasons and explanations.
It had all been over 7 years ago. Yet, this was closure.
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When was innocence lost?
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She waited on the wooden bench, quietly checking the people walking across. She strained her eyes to see the end of the platform. It was empty except for a naked boy of about 2 crawling to his sleeping mother. Maybe it was a joke, she thought and looked straight ahead. And then she saw him. A sigh of relief, a joyous smile.
***********************************
They sped down the road, under the shadows of the tall neem trees, her childish laughter resounding for miles. She giggled loudly as the first drops of rain hit her face, her brown eyes gleaming with excitement. A pothole unsteadied her. She caught on to his shirt, screaming in delight. They stopped at a closed shop, waiting for the rain to stop. He looked at her shivering in the cold and kissed her cheek, affectionately.
***********************************
She stared at the screen. Her nimble fingers flew across the old keyboard and she typed furiously, trying in vain to put all her thoughts into words. Then she found the backspace key.
She froze for a moment, thinking if she would regret this later. She fiddled with the keys, her hesitant fingers matching up with her wavering mind.
She hit 'send' and gathered her belongings. She slowly walked out of the room, making up tales in her head to convince herself that everything was alright. Nothing was wrong. No one was drifting away.
***********************************
The light was dim. The music was soft, almost non existent. There was nothing to stop her - it only took a question to bring it on. From a million miles away she opened up to him, and he to her. Nothing mattered anymore and neither remembered the backspace key. Excuses, misgivings, battered feelings. Assumptions, reasons and explanations.
It had all been over 7 years ago. Yet, this was closure.
***********************************
When was innocence lost?
13 comments:
"people walking across" could be better written as "people walking past" ..
"looked straight ahead" is only as good as "looked ahead"...."looked straight ahead" is improper usage..
"He looked at her shivering in the cold" is incorrect "He found her shivering in the cold"...coz he didnt look at her shivering..he looked at her and found her shivering. Maybe even a correctly punctuated sentence would have made it correct.
"put thoughts into words" is incorrect...it s either "put her thoughts in words" or "convert her thoughts into words"...
"There was nothing to stop her" is definitely correct..."There was no stopping her" is infact a better usage..
if "giggled" is to laugh loudly then wat does "giggle loudly" mean ?
U R AN AMAZING BLOGGER ANYWAY...The above are just a few suggestions to a person whom i see to have an excellent ability to blog..Keep up the good work
I do have some differences about those usages but for the moment I'll just say thanks for dropping by and next time do leave a name!
i would have preferred ur usual style of paragraphs instead of breaking the continuity by ***
Am i looking at a blooming novelist? Time will tell.
Promise me copies of your book dahling :))
When, indeed. Perhaps when she refused to see the naked boy of two, crawling to his mother, sleeping on the platform?!
Very interesting. I like the idea. Really. However, I think each snippet should be a little longer, maybe a para more.
love ya!
best
best
best
Good stuff ....
Are you sure these are fiction? I somehow seem to read a thread holding all these snippets together.
or maybe its just MY imagination...exactly what you wanted.."People to think ".
Blog Bookmarked ! :D
lady, hope this is not derived from your life, but from your imagination... its bittersweet, but I wouldnt want you to under go this...
Nice post. I particularly liked the last one "It had all been over 7 years ago. Yet, this was closure." One needs to go through that experience to understand what it means and maybe you have :)
I love reading your blog...I stumbled upon it once when I was searching for the malayalam lyrics in the "Jiya Jale" song and ended up reading your entire blog. You are wonderfully blessed being able to write like this.
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